Hi and hello. My name is Laura and I’ve got a story to tell. It may not be compelling to most but it’s my story that I’m finally ready to share. That story is, of course, my life.
I was listening to a podcast the other night and it asked a question; ‘what lights your soul on fire?’
I just started crying. I had heard this question before and ran from it because I find it very difficult to answer. My husband likes to tell me that I’m a natural at everything I do and as much as I deny it, I know it’s true. Not to sound conceded but most things truly come natural to me. I’m a quick learner as I have said in countless job interviews (more on that later) and find joy in many things. What are those things you ask? Well, cooking, baking, trolling Craigslist for amazing second hand items and designing my home with them (although I’d love to design others!), planning fun girl dates/brunches/nights in, putting together outfits, and generally sharing things I love with anyone that will listen!
And so, the other night, I finally answered the question for myself. I feel called to share and when people receive it, I feel validated and valued and I feel SEEN. You know? I feel like I did something right and even if whatever it is that I’m sharing only resonated with that person for a few moments, those precious moments fill me with REAL joy. My cup of joy.
I grew up with the internet. I was 12 and saw AOL from a disc for the first time. I’ve had a Xanga, a Facebook. I had a Myspace and Twitter for a hot minute. Most recently I had a Snapchat but found that type of thing to be more time consuming than anything else I kept my nose dug into on my phone. Right now I simply exist with an Instagram and I have a love hate relationship with it. I struggle, like most people I know, to not let it diminish my worth. It’s hard to look at the debt I have and then see everyone I know traveling or doing really wonderful things that I, myself, cannot afford at the moment.
All of that to say, growing up with the internet has ultimately given me a strange complex where I live my life online but do I want to share my life online? The short of it is yes. I do. And I have for a long time. But I never was willing to jump into this strange world until now. Maybe it’s because I just turned 31 and a lot of my life has been turned upside down the past few months (yet another blog post I’d like to write). It feels like the time has come for me to finally take control of what it is that gives me the most grounded purpose.
I struggle with believing people when they tell me what I WANT to believe about myself. It feels as if they’re only telling me because I desperately want to hear it. That would be true if I were soliciting those kinds of compliments. What I have been told is that I have great taste, I’m an excellent cook/baker, I have an eye for design, I’m fun to be around and that my writing is unique because my true voice breaks through. I hope that all of these things I’m able to harness and nurture here, online, with all of you.
I tend to get wordy so I think I’ll stop while I’m ahead. It feels good to take the first step and write it down here.
I hope you come along with me on this journey. I’d love to hang out with you and get to know you better.